Love is a gambler's sport. In having faith in another, the reward is great happiness; but the one to whom you give your heart has the power to cause you the most pain. I have bet my heart twice now, and lost. Now I have nothing. When love has dried up, the world is reduced to shades of grey. Life is filled with pain and constant torment. The body aches with the emptiness of feeling. The mind is broken, twisted, irrational. Emotions explode within me: sorrow, anger, jealousy, frustration, bitterness, panic, hopelessness, rejection, worthlessness, self-pity and with it, self-loathing. Heartache is not a metaphor here. I feel a physical pain in my chest. When I find sleep even my dreams are dark. They reflect these negative emotions and bring with them the worst yet: fear. Yes, I am afraid. Afraid of being alone. All the anxiety, uncertainty, and fear that comes with being single comes rushing back and it is crippling. My motivation to succeed has left me. I could push forward, achieve my dreams and make a real life for myself, but my reason for doing it is gone. Who will be there with me to enjoy my success? Not she. No, she abandoned me in my time of need. She took with her my light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. She took with her my lover and my best friend. I must now make a choice: hold on to hope and waste my life waiting for her to return to me, or let her go and lose another part of myself... what happens when I have no pieces left? What then?

This note is meant as a warning for my future self.
Before you gamble with your heart, know that much more is at stake...