10.22.2010
10.15.2010
Love is a gambler's sport. In having faith in another, the reward is great happiness; but the one to whom you give your heart has the power to cause you the most pain. I have bet my heart twice now, and lost. Now I have nothing. When love has dried up, the world is reduced to shades of grey. Life is filled with pain and constant torment. The body aches with the emptiness of feeling. The mind is broken, twisted, irrational. Emotions explode within me: sorrow, anger, jealousy, frustration, bitterness, panic, hopelessness, rejection, worthlessness, self-pity and with it, self-loathing. Heartache is not a metaphor here. I feel a physical pain in my chest. When I find sleep even my dreams are dark. They reflect these negative emotions and bring with them the worst yet: fear. Yes, I am afraid. Afraid of being alone. All the anxiety, uncertainty, and fear that comes with being single comes rushing back and it is crippling. My motivation to succeed has left me. I could push forward, achieve my dreams and make a real life for myself, but my reason for doing it is gone. Who will be there with me to enjoy my success? Not she. No, she abandoned me in my time of need. She took with her my light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. She took with her my lover and my best friend. I must now make a choice: hold on to hope and waste my life waiting for her to return to me, or let her go and lose another part of myself... what happens when I have no pieces left? What then?
This note is meant as a warning for my future self.
Before you gamble with your heart, know that much more is at stake...
This note is meant as a warning for my future self.
Before you gamble with your heart, know that much more is at stake...
2.19.2010
router
I'm fed up with my current router (WRT54G v8). It bogs down to sub-dialup speeds with even a minor load. The interface is crap -- I can't see or edit the firewall rules directly. The logs are unhelpful. Right now I'm running a single torrent; it has 5 http trackers, and 2 udp trackers. My max connected peers per torrent is 50 with 10 upload slots. My global bandwidth is throttled to 400 kbps down and 100 kbps up. I never run more than 2 torrents at a time. These are very lightweight settings for my setup, but right now my instant messengers keep getting disconnected, and I have to refresh a timed out webpage several times before it loads. Keep in mind, this is an ethernet connection, not wireless.
So now I am asking the internet for advice-- what is a great router to buy?
Here's what I think I need in a router:
- Fast processor, capable of handling anything I throw at it. In particular I want stable torrent handling, no gaming lag, and I want high quality streaming video (like Skype) to work smoothly.
- Preferably something I could flash 3rd party firmware onto... but I'll settle for just a good interface out of the box. I want to see logs, tables, QoS, etc. as advanced as possible.
- Highly configurable. This is related to the previous point. I want complete control of my router's every function. No "wizards", "EZ Setup", nothing that makes all the decisions for me, especially without asking.
- Good WiFi. I've heard alot of good things about the N routers. People say they have better wall penetration, better distance, stronger signal. So I think I want an N, but I'm not against staying with G.
- External antennae. Preferably the removable kind so I can trade them out with hi-gain or even something with a longer cable for better positioning. I don't like the new trend of internal antennae on routers.
Let me also say this-- I don't want to take cost into account just yet. I will consider all routers based simply on their quality and let price be an issue later.
What say you?... and why? The why is important. I want concrete reasons.
^---- bandwidth with torrent running
So now I am asking the internet for advice-- what is a great router to buy?
Here's what I think I need in a router:
- Fast processor, capable of handling anything I throw at it. In particular I want stable torrent handling, no gaming lag, and I want high quality streaming video (like Skype) to work smoothly.
- Preferably something I could flash 3rd party firmware onto... but I'll settle for just a good interface out of the box. I want to see logs, tables, QoS, etc. as advanced as possible.
- Highly configurable. This is related to the previous point. I want complete control of my router's every function. No "wizards", "EZ Setup", nothing that makes all the decisions for me, especially without asking.
- Good WiFi. I've heard alot of good things about the N routers. People say they have better wall penetration, better distance, stronger signal. So I think I want an N, but I'm not against staying with G.
- External antennae. Preferably the removable kind so I can trade them out with hi-gain or even something with a longer cable for better positioning. I don't like the new trend of internal antennae on routers.
Let me also say this-- I don't want to take cost into account just yet. I will consider all routers based simply on their quality and let price be an issue later.
What say you?... and why? The why is important. I want concrete reasons.
11.29.2009
Thoughts on Sci Fi Channel's miniseries The Lost Room
Thoughts on Sci Fi Channel's miniseries The Lost Room
If you haven't watched the miniseries, don't read any farther. It is 100% spoilers.
The love interest was very forced. Yes, it was just a three-part miniseries. Not much time for setup for something like that. But, really it wouldn't have taken much to have it make sense. Maybe play up the shared trauma of losing a loved one (his daughter, her brother's sanity). Or maybe show us some admiration from her for his "good guy" persona. At the very least, there needed to be a brief moment where they lock eyes and passion spills all over the screen. I'm all for spontaneous, but it just felt very fake-- not passionate. It came out of nowhere and it made no sense. Just an excuse to have a sex-scene-without-showing-any-actual-sex. Lame.
The Occupant is an Object, and therefore indestructible outside The Room. We see an example of this when he tries to shoot himself with Joe's gun by putting it in his mouth and pulling the trigger. After firing the shot, he takes the bullet from his mouth, intact. This is confusing to me because The Occupant was found by Joe, locked up in an asylum. From what I've seen of asylums as portrayed by Hollywood, injections are given to patients. A needle should not be able to pierce his skin. How would this have been explained?
When a door is opened with The Key, any persons on the other side of the door perceive it to still be closed. This behavior is displayed on the security camera footage that Joe reviews after the kid escapes from his office. My question is, what would happen if a person on the other side of the door tried to open the door, while the doorway to The Room was open?
One of the Objects, the Deck of Cards causes anyone who gazes at it to see "a vision of the events during the Collectors' failed attempt to use the objects on Room 9 of the hotel" (wikipedia entry). If this is true, what did The Deck of Cards do before their attempt?
I noticed there were certain objects inside The Room. These included a TV, telephone, sheets, pillow, etc. Did no one try to take any of these outside The Room? If they did, they had to have been returned somehow. I can't see someone taking the trouble to return a possible Object to The Room if they could not discover its use. This only leaves the possibility that these Objects could not be taken from The Room. What do they all have in common? They are part of the motel, and did not belong to The Occupant. If we assume items of this type could not be removed from The Room, then how did The Key get out?
There is also The Law of Conservation of Objects that states if an Object is destroyed, a new Object will take its place. This can only occur inside The Room where Objects are vulnerable. We see this when Joe kills The Occupant and becomes an Object himself. My first question is, how did The Occupant discover this Law? He had to be pretty sure about it to give up his life on the premise that it was true. What Object was destroyed before? And why was The Occupant present at the time? If The Occupant destroyed an Object, but was himself already an Object, what would become the new Object if there was nothing else in the room at the time? For that matter, what would happen if The Occupant simply killed himself while inside The Room? He could have easily done it without bringing any outside items in with him. For example, drown himself (there was running water), or electrocute himself (there was electricity), or just break the mirror and slit his wrists. What would become the new Object then? I'm not saying that he would, since he didn't want to be anywhere near an Object, let alone The Key (needed to get inside The Room)... I'm simply asking what would happen if he did.
Also relating to the last point, why couldn't Joe have simply destroyed one of the other Objects instead of killing The Occupant? The Objects used copy the Collectors' experiment were seen in The Room when The Occupant told Joe to kill him. He could have destroyed one of those instead. I understand that The Occupant wanted to die-- he talks about the other Objects sensing each other like "pain, electricity, noise... for a conscious mind it's like torture." So yes, he *wanted* to die. But he then says, "you have to kill me." Want does not equal necessity.
I also don't understand why Kreutzfeld went into The Room and disappeared but Joe went in after The Occupant and he did not. Why wasn't Kreutzfeld in The Room too? Didn't he create a specific instance of The Room that held his dead son? Why wasn't the son there? You might argue that the presence of The Occupant spared Joe's life, but The Occupant himself claimed he was "just another Object" (not any more special than the other Objects).
For that matter, each Object had special uses outside The Room. Some could stop time, or rotate things, or even just hard boil an egg. What was The Occupant's special use? There was a person-sized wooden box in the Collectors' vault which was sometimes referred as "the tomb". They must have discovered him somehow. Possibly by using The Polaroid as Joe did. Did the Collectors actually keep him trapped inside the vault in that box? If so, how did he get out? That would have sucked so much to be trapped down there with all those powerful Objects. If there plan was to put him in the box, but they never actually found him, how did they intend to do so? If they put him in there alive, he would simply have clawed his way out of the box and used the Objects entombed with him to escape. He could not be destroyed (die) outside the room, so the only way to put his dead body in there would be to kill him while inside The Room, at which time he would cease to be an Object and his killer would become the new Object.
The Glasses have the power to stop combustion, but do not (according to the wiki) affect the wearer's vision. Why would the Occupant have had a pair of glasses that weren't used to improve his eyesight? If The Glasses lost their eyesight-improving nature when they became an Object, why wasn't The Occupant wearing glasses when Joe found him? It is possible he was wearing contact lenses, but it seems a far stretch for me, seeing that he was from the 1960's. Embracing new technology doesn't seem likely for his personality.
The Quarter is swallowed to activate its power. What happens when it makes its way to the end of the user's digestive system? I'm assuming he craps it out. Can you imagine Kreutzfeld digging around in his own feces to retrieve it? Gross. A more likely scenario, based on his apparent wealth and stature, would be for one of his bodyguards to do it. Even *more* gross.
What if you were to take a sledgehammer into The Room and smash a hole through one of the walls? What would you see through it? Could you step through it, and if so where would you end up? Same for just smashing the window and climbing through it.
If The Room has electricity and running water, why doesn't the telephone on the wall work? You might argue that the phone company doesn't exist in the place where the room was, but then how do you explain the power company? Who is making the electricity? What about the water company? If you were to flush something down the toilet, where would it end up?
Feel free to comment with your own thoughts.
I'll probably add more later as they come to me.
If you haven't watched the miniseries, don't read any farther. It is 100% spoilers.
The love interest was very forced. Yes, it was just a three-part miniseries. Not much time for setup for something like that. But, really it wouldn't have taken much to have it make sense. Maybe play up the shared trauma of losing a loved one (his daughter, her brother's sanity). Or maybe show us some admiration from her for his "good guy" persona. At the very least, there needed to be a brief moment where they lock eyes and passion spills all over the screen. I'm all for spontaneous, but it just felt very fake-- not passionate. It came out of nowhere and it made no sense. Just an excuse to have a sex-scene-without-showing-any-actual-sex. Lame.
The Occupant is an Object, and therefore indestructible outside The Room. We see an example of this when he tries to shoot himself with Joe's gun by putting it in his mouth and pulling the trigger. After firing the shot, he takes the bullet from his mouth, intact. This is confusing to me because The Occupant was found by Joe, locked up in an asylum. From what I've seen of asylums as portrayed by Hollywood, injections are given to patients. A needle should not be able to pierce his skin. How would this have been explained?
When a door is opened with The Key, any persons on the other side of the door perceive it to still be closed. This behavior is displayed on the security camera footage that Joe reviews after the kid escapes from his office. My question is, what would happen if a person on the other side of the door tried to open the door, while the doorway to The Room was open?
One of the Objects, the Deck of Cards causes anyone who gazes at it to see "a vision of the events during the Collectors' failed attempt to use the objects on Room 9 of the hotel" (wikipedia entry). If this is true, what did The Deck of Cards do before their attempt?
I noticed there were certain objects inside The Room. These included a TV, telephone, sheets, pillow, etc. Did no one try to take any of these outside The Room? If they did, they had to have been returned somehow. I can't see someone taking the trouble to return a possible Object to The Room if they could not discover its use. This only leaves the possibility that these Objects could not be taken from The Room. What do they all have in common? They are part of the motel, and did not belong to The Occupant. If we assume items of this type could not be removed from The Room, then how did The Key get out?
There is also The Law of Conservation of Objects that states if an Object is destroyed, a new Object will take its place. This can only occur inside The Room where Objects are vulnerable. We see this when Joe kills The Occupant and becomes an Object himself. My first question is, how did The Occupant discover this Law? He had to be pretty sure about it to give up his life on the premise that it was true. What Object was destroyed before? And why was The Occupant present at the time? If The Occupant destroyed an Object, but was himself already an Object, what would become the new Object if there was nothing else in the room at the time? For that matter, what would happen if The Occupant simply killed himself while inside The Room? He could have easily done it without bringing any outside items in with him. For example, drown himself (there was running water), or electrocute himself (there was electricity), or just break the mirror and slit his wrists. What would become the new Object then? I'm not saying that he would, since he didn't want to be anywhere near an Object, let alone The Key (needed to get inside The Room)... I'm simply asking what would happen if he did.
Also relating to the last point, why couldn't Joe have simply destroyed one of the other Objects instead of killing The Occupant? The Objects used copy the Collectors' experiment were seen in The Room when The Occupant told Joe to kill him. He could have destroyed one of those instead. I understand that The Occupant wanted to die-- he talks about the other Objects sensing each other like "pain, electricity, noise... for a conscious mind it's like torture." So yes, he *wanted* to die. But he then says, "you have to kill me." Want does not equal necessity.
I also don't understand why Kreutzfeld went into The Room and disappeared but Joe went in after The Occupant and he did not. Why wasn't Kreutzfeld in The Room too? Didn't he create a specific instance of The Room that held his dead son? Why wasn't the son there? You might argue that the presence of The Occupant spared Joe's life, but The Occupant himself claimed he was "just another Object" (not any more special than the other Objects).
For that matter, each Object had special uses outside The Room. Some could stop time, or rotate things, or even just hard boil an egg. What was The Occupant's special use? There was a person-sized wooden box in the Collectors' vault which was sometimes referred as "the tomb". They must have discovered him somehow. Possibly by using The Polaroid as Joe did. Did the Collectors actually keep him trapped inside the vault in that box? If so, how did he get out? That would have sucked so much to be trapped down there with all those powerful Objects. If there plan was to put him in the box, but they never actually found him, how did they intend to do so? If they put him in there alive, he would simply have clawed his way out of the box and used the Objects entombed with him to escape. He could not be destroyed (die) outside the room, so the only way to put his dead body in there would be to kill him while inside The Room, at which time he would cease to be an Object and his killer would become the new Object.
The Glasses have the power to stop combustion, but do not (according to the wiki) affect the wearer's vision. Why would the Occupant have had a pair of glasses that weren't used to improve his eyesight? If The Glasses lost their eyesight-improving nature when they became an Object, why wasn't The Occupant wearing glasses when Joe found him? It is possible he was wearing contact lenses, but it seems a far stretch for me, seeing that he was from the 1960's. Embracing new technology doesn't seem likely for his personality.
The Quarter is swallowed to activate its power. What happens when it makes its way to the end of the user's digestive system? I'm assuming he craps it out. Can you imagine Kreutzfeld digging around in his own feces to retrieve it? Gross. A more likely scenario, based on his apparent wealth and stature, would be for one of his bodyguards to do it. Even *more* gross.
What if you were to take a sledgehammer into The Room and smash a hole through one of the walls? What would you see through it? Could you step through it, and if so where would you end up? Same for just smashing the window and climbing through it.
If The Room has electricity and running water, why doesn't the telephone on the wall work? You might argue that the phone company doesn't exist in the place where the room was, but then how do you explain the power company? Who is making the electricity? What about the water company? If you were to flush something down the toilet, where would it end up?
Feel free to comment with your own thoughts.
I'll probably add more later as they come to me.
11.05.2009
HnH Podcast
Download the crap out of this thing:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=251643713&s=143441
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=251643713&s=143441
9.04.2009
quizzing
hmmm... not what i would have guessed...
Your results:
You are Magneto
Click here to take the "Which Super Villain am I?" quiz...
Your results:
You are Magneto
| You fear the persecution of those that are different or underprivileged so much that you are willing to fight and hurt others for your cause. |
Click here to take the "Which Super Villain am I?" quiz...
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